Spring Training 2007, a.k.a., “Bronx Elementary School”
In case you’ve missed the latest from spring-training camp, here’s a quick update. This is the big news that the sports media wants us to know about the approaching 2007 Spring Training:
1) Randy Johnson said the New York media are poo-poo heads and made him feel icky.
2) Sheff said that Joe Torre was a mean daddy.
3) A-Rod told his mommy that he doesn’t want to go to his buddy Derek’s place for sleepovers anymore.
4) Carl Pava-no-pitch asked Moose to be his best friend again.
5) Carl Pava-no-pitch immediately went to the nurse’ station with lead in his ass.
6) Bernie wants to stay in Mr. Torre’s class FOREVER!
7) Mo wants his teacher to give him an A+ for an exam he hasn’t taken yet or he’s going to transfer to Boston Elementary.
Mr. Swindal, the Vice-Principal, is hiding whiskey in his lower desk drawer and taking swigs during social studies. Naughty naughty.
9) Bubba Crosby is mad that he was the last one picked for dodge-ball every day at recess. So he took his ball and went to play with his real friends in Cincinnati.
I’d be willing to bet that none of these players are talking about this stuff - it’s all the sports media dredging for stories because they have forgotten how to talk about baseball.
As for me, I’m kinda curious if the Phillies really are the NL East favorite. If I was a sports-writer, I’d do some reporting about that.
